Things not to say to a single woman (a perhaps a single man).

Wellllllllll............when you've been single as long as I've been, you think you've seen and heard it all. All kinds of friends, family, clients and strangers can see us single people as those needing direction and guidance. Let me just share with you (and maybe even entertain you) on things that single people really don't care to hear. Now, I realize that many people say things with good intentions, but when you've heard certain things over and over and over again, well, it gets old.

So here is my list of comments that are overkill for a single person.

1. I can't believe someone hasn't snatched you up yet. Yeah, the eighth wonder of the world is that I'm still single. I'm not sure I really want to be "snatched" up. I hope to be wooed, maybe romanced (at least for the first two dates). "Snatched" sounds like I will end up on a milk carton. No one wants to be known as "that person who was on a milk carton."

2. If you want to meet someone, you're going to have to move to a bigger city. OK, maybe where I live doesn't have a plethora of single people. I have friends who do live in metropolitan areas and they are single. I'm not sure that there's a direct correlation between living in a highly populated area and finding a mate for life. Besides, keep in mind that sometimes we single people like where we live. Maybe we have great friends, family, a career we love and value that enough to stay where we are.

3. If I were single, I'd be all over you. OK, this seems like a compliment, but it really isn't. The compliment can't go anywhere. No one wants to hear about "what might have been had we met 20 years ago." And here's the kicker, when the person saying this does become available, they suddenly aren't interested. (I know this from experience.......) So you're screwed either way!

4. Upon breaking up with someone: He or she wasn't good enough for you. Or: I knew it wasn't going to go anywhere. Alright, if the break up is still fairly new, sometimes we still have feelings for this person. Insulting the person we just got dumped by doesn't really do much to bring us up. And sharing your "remarkable intuition" about the longetivy of the relationship (or lack of) is unnecessary.

5. You know what you should do......... I have to honest, one of my least favorite words in the English language (and probably any other language) is the word "should". "Should" can come across as condescending as if you are implying that we single people don't have the brains or the skills to conduct our lives. Actually, you might be surprised of all the things we are capable of accomplishing. And please be aware of one thing, we may not have asked for advice. Sometimes, we just need someone to listen and listen some more.

6. It's going to be hard for you to find someone, you're just too special. OK, how can I say this....... PUKE! Are you kidding me? And that's supposed to make us feel good, why? Basically a comment like says, "If I tell you you are special, you won't feel bad about being single". Guess what, sometimes after watching married people together, we are relieved to be single.

7. I'm glad I'm not other there dating in this day in age. OK, while that may be true, how does that help?? Let me put it this way, it doesn't. Single people are very aware of the challenges of dating in this time in history. We don't need to be reminded. What amuses me, is that people who can't relate to dating in this day in age, seem to have a lot of advice for us.

8. Are you married yet? OK, would you ever go up to a married person and say, "Are you divorced yet?" Probably not, that would be ridiculous. So why say it to us single folk? We have plenty of things going on in our lives that make for much more riveting conversation. Pick another topic of conversation or we will do it for you!

9. You need to hurry up and start having kids. Well, I can only speak for women here, but we are well aware of the age of our ovaries! We don't need an outsider expressing concern about our reproductiveness or lack of. Also, keep in mind, saying this to any woman, married or single, can open a can of worms you don't want opened. Many women want children, but may have issues conceiving. This is a private issue. If a woman wants you to know something, she will tell you.

Now many of us would like to have life long companion. But the good news it that we aren't sitting around doing nothing waiting for this to happen. We are out experiencing life, making contributions to society and probably having a lot of fun doing it.

My suggestion for those who love to give advice is to use that energy to enhance your own relationships.

Trigger Points and Shoulder Pain

Trigger points can be a huge culprit in many aches, pains and restrictions we feel in the body. Many of us at one time or another has experienced shoulder pain. Some of you have gone so far as to have surgery for a frozen shoulder or rotator cuff issue.

There are about 20 muscles that make up the shoulder. Since the shoulder is a highly utilized part of the body, the muscles can easily become overworked. What happens is a typical domino effect. One muscle gets a little bunched up with a trigger point or two. Since there are 19 other shoulder muscles, the bunched up muscle asks his neighbors for a little help. They pitch in and help keep the shoulder rockin' and rollin' until they develop trigger points of their own. And this results in a shoulder that full of trigger points and not very happy.

So suddenly, you are at happy hour and find that you have trouble holding on to your beer - at it's only the first beer of the night. You start to feel pain (this probably doesn't occur until after happy hour) and notice reduced range of motion in the shoulder joint and perhaps numbness. Then you find that simple daily activities become more challenging and that you wake up at night with pain or numbness. And God help some of us if we don't get good beauty sleep!

Before rushing off to the doctor for some fine injectibles, consider having a massage therapist work on your shoulder, preferably a massage therapist who understands trigger points. Sometimes by releasing the trigger points of the shoulder and surrounding muscle groups, pain can be reduced, range of motion restored and nerves become uncompressed! Once these trigger points have been released, physical therapy, exercise and stretching came be very helpful to maintain a healthy structural balance within the shoulder.

Sometimes trigger point therapy can be a tender therapy to receive. Your therapist should work within your comfort zone. But keep in mind, Rome was built in a day and it may take several treatments to relieve these trigger points. Long standing trigger points may be a little stubborn to release their tension at first. Patience!!

Shoulder pain can also be caused by joint degeneration or perhaps a misaligned spine. A good therapist will know if you need to be referred to medical professional for additional treatments.

Trigger Points: Massaging out the knots!

Trigger points are found throughout the body, any massage therapist can tell you that. But what are they? Whey do they hurt? And how does massage help relieve them?

Simply put, trigger points are wadded up muscle fibers. The muscle fibers maintain a contracted state from overstimulation (such as overuse, injury, strains etc.) and are not able to release on their own. These muscle fibers then keep a portion of the muscle continuously contracted which prevents blood flow to that portion of the muscle. When oxygen rich blood can't get to the muscle, the tissue becomes starved and the waste products of metabolism build up in the tissue. (Think about how congested you get when you have a cold and none of the gunk is moving and you sound like you're under water when you talk!) This makes for an irriated trigger point! Trigger points can cause muscle stiffness, weakness, compress nearby nerves and have a negative effect on posture.

If you happen to have an active lifestyle, trigger points cause you to tire more quickly with activity and inhibit muscle recovery after activity. Trigger points can effect surrounding muscles by limiting the range of motion and causing pain.

One of the best treatments for trigger points is a therapuetic massage that focuses on trigger point therapy. A good massage will start with strokes to warm up the muscles being worked and will get progressively deeper while being aware of the comfort level of the client. A trained massage therapist will work the surrounding areas as well, circulating blood flow and restoring range of motion.

After an area is worked, it may be tender to the touch. This is normal. If the area is sore and painful afterwards, then the treatment was too deep. In most cases repeated treatments may be needed to release stubborn trigger points. It's very important to drink plenty of water after any massage treatment.

Massage should not be used in place of medical treatment. If symptoms exist after three treatments, it may be advisable to seek treatment from a medical professional.